Phone Call

Today I got a phone call that I've been anticipating/dreading for almost 2 weeks and the news was what we expected but devastating none the less. Let me fill in the gaps by going back about 3 weeks. This was a very hard time in the Zugner home for we were experiencing our second miscarriage at almost 6 wks. A week later we went to the Dr to talk to him about our situation. He did some basic blood tests (they took 13 vials of blood!) but warned us that most likely everything would come back normal. Since we've already had one successful pregnancy (J) and have been pregnant twice in the past few months (the 2 miscarriages) then there's most likely not anything "medically" wrong. And this is what the phone call today confirmed, all the tests came back negative (normal). I'm glad that there's no medical problems that we need to start worrying about, but it's hard to face the fact that there is no reason as to why this is happening. It's a bit devastating to know that we can wait months and months to get pregnant again and then miscarry time after time and there's nothing that can be done. No drug to take or procedure to be done to help our situation. All we can do is sit and wait until the Lord sees it fit to bless our family with a little one. Don't get me wrong, I love my family the way that it is and if it's the Lords will for us to be a 1 child family we will LOVE every minute of it being just the 3 of us and will have no regrets, but we strongly feel that this is not the case and that there is at least 1 more little one waiting to join our family. My heart yearns for the time that we can welcome this little one into our home, but not for my sake, for J's. She wants a sibling so bad that it breaks my heart. She frequently brings me one of her babies and tells me that it's her sister, or she'll be playing with her princesses and say "This one is J and this is J's sister". I have a great desire for her to have the joys (and pains) that come with having a sibling. I know my siblings and I about killed each other growing up, but they're some of my best friends now. I can't imagine my life without them. My relationships with my sisters are very dear to my heart and I love my little brother to pieces! I want my little girl to experience those same joys and be able to make lasting memories with her siblings, so it pains my heart that this is being denied her. I don't know that Lord's plan for our family, I don't know what the future will hold, but I guess all that's left to do now is sit and wait and cherish every moment with the little one that I do have.