How Am I Doing?

This is a question that I get asked multiple times a day. Most people get the short answer of either, "I'm hanging in there" or "I'm surviving". Helpful answers, I know, but most people really don't have the time or interest to listen to the long answer. If you're one of those people, you can skip this post because I'm going to give you the long answer. Overall, we've been really blessed and have had no [extra] complications during this pregnancy. Our biggest fear was that the boys would develop TTTS (and they still could), but so far they are growing great and at almost the exact same rate, which is fabulous! We really feel that all your thoughts and prayers have really helped us out. My clotting disorder was another fear, but with the watchful care of my hematologist, they've got all my levels where they should be and there have been no complications there as well (lots of pain and bruising, but no complications). As far as how I'm feeling physically, there's been a few minor complaints, my back and hips hurt, I'm not sleeping well, I have really bad heartburn/acid reflux, and my ankles have decided to play hide-and-seek, but nothing out of the ordinary for being pregnant. On the flip side, mentally/emotionally, I'm a mess, and I'm not the only one. The stresses of this pregnancy are affecting everyone. J is entering the horrible 3s and has really been acting out lately.

Our sweet little girl has turned into a monster. I know that some of this is due to her age, some due to her independent personality, but I know that a lot of it is due to the chaos that is our lives right now. The fact that I can't play with her as she would like (don't have the energy most days, but I also have to be cautious and cant do anything where I might get bumped really hard because of the risk of getting a blood clot), and the fact that Daddy is trying to work a lot of extra hrs to help save up money/comp time for when the babies com don't help. I do think it helps that we have so many great friends that are willing to watch J while we go to the Dr's, it gives her a chance to have a break (even I would rather go to a friends and play than sit in the Dr's office for ANOTHER appointment).

As I mentioned previously, Erik has been trying to work extra hrs whenever he can (yes, I know that he's taken a lot of time off this month so it doesn't seem like he's working extra but he had vacation days that he had to use up or he'd lose them). Not only is he worried about the welfare of me and the babies, he's REALLY stressed about the financial aspects of it all. When we embarked upon this pregnancy journey, we knew that there would be added expenses, and we were prepared for another "normal" pregnancy (one similar to like when I was pregnant with J). However, the Lord had a different plan for us, and while we know that everything will work out as it should, it's still stressful since we don't know HOW it's going to work out, especially since Erik's work has cut all overtime (including court time, and that's where most officers make their money).

Now, onto me. I have all the stresses mentioned above, plus some. I'm not necessarily saying that I have it worse off than J or Erik, it just that J can't really express her stresses, and Erik hasn't told me of any other ones that he has (that and he's not really one to stress over things, I am). While I too am worried about the financial aspect of this pregnancy and getting everything ready for the twins arrival, it's not my biggest stress. The hardest thing for me has been (and still is) is the fact that I feel useless. When I was pregnancy with J, I felt great, in fact, the only "symptom" of pregnancy that I had was that I grew a belly, and during the last month I had major swelling and sciatic nerve pain. I worked up until 2 days before she was born and actually got offended when people treated me like I was disabled. Now, I can't do anything and I feel so useless. I know that I shouldn't compare this pregnancy to my previous one because they're so different, but it's difficult not to. I've had several people offer to help me if I need it, but I don't want to use those resources. I know that in the near future I will have to, but I dread that day. I HATE being dependant on others and having to ask for help. I also HATE having my trials be so open, I know that it doesn't seem like it with how much I post on this blog, I came to the conclusion early on that this trial was going to be a very public one whether I liked it or not, so I've tried to embrace that and just go with the flow (not so easy to do with the having to ask for help issue). It still drives me nuts when people treat me like I'm disabled, probably more so now that it did with J. I may be in the mist of a very complicated pregnancy, but there are still things that I can do. I know that people are just trying to be helpful, but it makes me feel worse when I'm in the midst of doing something and they try to come and take over because they think I shouldn't be doing it. I know what I can and can't do, and what my Dr's think I should or should not be doing. If I need help picking up J or carrying my bag, I'll let you know, until then, please let me do it.

But overall, I'm hanging in there :). Again, I am really grateful for every one's concern, for all the thoughts and prayers that have been offered in behalf of our family and for the help that has been given us. We have truly been blessed with great friends and family to help lift us up during these hard times and thank our Heavenly Father daily for these angels in our lives.

THANK YOU!!!

Registry

Recently I've had a few people ask what we still need for the babies, so I thought I'd but this out there for anyone else that might be wondering. I have a registry at myregistry.com. I did it all online so there's very little that can be found in the stores, however, if you find something similar to what I registered for at a store and want to get it, I say go for it.

I just want to say thank you for all of you who have already helped us, and to the rest of you who I know keep us in your thoughts and prayers, it's been greatly appreciated. THANK YOU!!

22 Weeks

We are 22 weeks today. This morning we had an appointment with our high risk Dr. He said that everything was looking good. The babies each weigh almost a lb (15 oz for Baby A and he didn't give us a specific weight for Baby B, just said almost a lb). Which means no TTTS so far and we have successfully avoided the surgery. We are still at risk for TTTS, but they don't do the surgery after 25 wks (our next appointment with this Dr. is at 25 wks). If the babies start to develop TTTS the Dr will just monitor us closely and if it gets severe, they'll end up taking the babies out early, but we'll worry about that when it happens (if it happens). Dr. said that I too am looking good, no signs of preterm labor (bleeding, cramping, shortening of the cervix) so we'll see him again in 3 weeks. In the meantime, we see the hematologist next week and our regular OB the following week. I'm so glad that I have great friends to watch J for us while we go to all of these appointments (we take her to the regular OB, but she can't go to the high risk Dr. and I don't like taking her to the hematologist, its too much work).

Baby A 22 weeks Baby B 22 weeks.


*on a side note: if you couldn't tell, I was a bit irritated yesterday. I do have to say that MOST of my friends/family have been very helpful and supportive during this pregnancy, there have just been a few are really getting on my nerves. So THANK YOU for all the love and support you've shown to our family, it's been greatly needed and appreciated.

Really?!

People have really been irritating me lately. I'm sure this is partially due to my highly hormonal/emotional state, but in my current condition I've noticed that sometimes people say really stupid things. Here's a list of things you should NOT say to someone expecting twins (or to any person for that matter).

- Twins huh? You're really going to have your hands full. [takes a rocket scientist to figure this one out, two babies, two hands, yup my hands will be full]

- So you'll be sending J to daycare once the babies get here? [thank you for assuming that I can't handle 3 kids. I will be sending J to preschool 2 days a week, but we signed up for that back in March, before we were even expecting]

- You're huge [why anyone would feel the need to say this is beyond me]

- Getting large [again, really?!]

- You look good for carrying twins [so if I was pregnant with just 1 I would be looking bad?]

- So what do you do in ALL your spare time? [ I know this has nothing to do with being pregnant but it was still irritating. This person was referring to me being a stay at home mom, and yes, they emphasized the word ALL. They truly thought that since I don't work outside the home I have lots of time to sit around and do nothing. ]

I've decided that being pregnant really brings out the stupidity in those around you. I know that it's been scientifically shown that a woman's brain shrinks about 20% while she's pregnant, but I guess the brains of those around her shrinks about 60%. Here's a few more examples as to what I mean.

- Erik and I don't tell the name(s) of our unborn children. No one gets to know until the babies are born. We did this with J and we're doing it with the twins. It's nothing personal against anyone it's just something we do, so don't act offended when we don't tell you.

- You would probably feel weird if I walked up and started rubbing your belly, so don't walk up and rub mine.

- Don't make empty promises. Don't say I WILL come out and help you get you're house ready for the babies or I WILL take J one afternoon a week so you can rest if you're not going to follow through. If you say that you WILL do something, then do it, it's called integrity. Don't get me wrong, I've had several people say call IF you need me to watch J, IF you need help cleaning, IF you need anything, and I appreciate those. I have asked several people to watch J while I go to Dr's appointments, and while I haven't needed to ask for help cleaning my house yet, I feel that day is coming soon.

- While I'm on the subject of things that irritate me here one more. A false sense of security about my pregnancy. When we first told people that we were pregnant with twins and the high risk issues that I have to complicate the pregnancy even more (blood clotting issues, etc) people were very worried about me and my health. I was frequently told to "take it easy", "make sure you're laying down enough", "are you getting enough rest", etc. and then as time went on and there were no complications with the babies those comments turned to, "why are you worried about that (the nursery, making sure everything is ready, etc) now, you're not due until late November", "why can't you fly anymore, it's only June and you're not due until November". People seemed to forget that I was still very high risk and that most complications with twin pregnancies don't arise until after 20 weeks (I'll be 22 weeks tomorrow). While I wasn't a fan of the overly cautious remarks, the "not due until November" comments bug me even more. They make me sound like a paranoid person. Here's a little insight from where I stand. The average twin is born between 32 & 36 weeks (that would be the month of October for us), thus, it has been suggested that we have everything ready no later than 30 weeks (mid September). The thinking behind this is several fold, not only will I be ready in case the babies come early, but that most likely by 30 weeks I wont be be able able to do anything (either I'll be on bed rest or I wont have the energy to do it).

I know this last part has started to sound a bit like a pity party, and that's not what it's meant to be. I just wanted to let people know where I'm coming from. I'm getting tired of the negative comments. I know that my house isn't as clean as it used to be. I wish I could do more to change that; I know that I worry/stress about this pregnancy more than people think I should, sorry, I've always been that way. However, I also know that I go to the Dr. at least every other week so that the Dr.'s can make sure that the babies are doing well. I know that those Dr's appointments are going to become more frequent in the next few weeks (most likely becoming twice a week). I know that the risk of me going on bed rest is high and that the risk of my babies being preemies and having to spend time in the NICU is even higher. So forgive me if I'm a little stressed or worried about getting everything ready early. I figure that the sooner I get things ready, then that's one less thing to worry about. Oh, and let me apologize ahead of time, if I make any rude or snappy remarks to you please forgive me, it's just the hormones/emotions talking.

Temporary Pet

The other day when Erik was coming home from work, he found a turtle in the middle of the road. There's a large pond not far from our house so this is a common occurrence. We usually stop and move the turtle to the side of the road so that it doesn't get squished and then go on our way. However, on this particular day, Erik thought it would be a great idea to bring the turtle home for J. J was very excited and didn't want to leave the turtle alone. We found a small box to put it in, got it a plastic bowl for some water, and then J feed it some lettuce leaves. We let her keep the turtle until the following morning, then we set him free. Since there is an open drainage ditch behind our house Erik thought we could just put the turtle in the grass and he'd find his way to ditch and thus find water. So Erik and J took the turtle just outside our fence so the dogs couldn't get him and then let him go. Later that day we went out to see if he was still there but couldn't find him so we figured he'd moved on. The following day, Erik was out mowing the lawn and came upon our poor turtle still sitting in the grass. The grass was just tall enough to cover him and that's why we hadn't seen him the previous afternoon. When Erik got done mowing the lawn, we loaded up J and the turtle into the stroller and headed off to the pond where J put him back. Now, every time we drive by the pond she asks if we can see her turtle and wants to stop and look for him.

Decluttering

I'm just decluttering the blog today. I have a few lists on the side of the blog that haven't been added to in a while. I'd like to remember the things listed, but feel that the sidebar lists are no longer needed so I've copied and pasted the info here.



Silly Things J Says:



We stopped at Whataburger the other day and J said, "It's the Home Depot restaurant!" You can tell where she and Daddy like to go shopping!

Neighbor: Are you a monkey?
J: No! I'm a goat!

Mommy: Let's go, we're going to Wal-Mart.
J: Need money (with hand held out).

Daddy the man!

Mommy the best!

Mimi crazy!

(after she coughs) Jordy Okay.

J: See ya!
Mommy: Where are you going?
J: Going Mimi, Papa's!

Mommy: Count for me
J: One (long pause)
Mommy: What comes after one?
J: Another one

Daddy: How many trash trucks do you see? (there were 2 trucks at the gas station)
J: So Many!

Ice cream makes my eyes feel better.

(after she goes on the potty) Good Job J!

(whenever I wont give her what she wants) MOMMY LET ME HAVE IT!

What's up hommie


Excuses people give as to why they shouldn't get a ticket/go to jail:

- I can't get a ticket, my arm is broken

-I didn't think the sign applied to me since I'm going to Whole Foods today (on a weekday) instead of on Saturday when I usually go.

- I'm a millionaire so you can't take me to jail.

- I don't want to go to jail so you can stop the car and just let me out right here.

-I didn't see it (the sign) painted on the grass.

- I didn't see her. Her car is so small and sporty that it blended in with the pavement. (a lady trying to explain why she hit another car)

-I didn't see you (why he didn't stop at a stop sign; I guess he thought the white line around the sign means you only have to stop when police are present)

- He scared me so I'm going to scare him by following really close.

- I didn't think the light applied to me, I was in a turning lane (on running a red light)

- I have a clean driving record so you can't give me a ticket

-I thought the address on your liscense changed automaticlly (on why he didn't change the address on his DL)

-Oh, you have to inspect these things?

-I'm to drunk to know where I'm at-Cop to DWI: when was the last time you ate?DWI: 7 or 8 years ago

-I can't go to jail; the NASCAR race is tomorrow

-You can't ticket me, I work for the radio station

-I can't get a ticket, it's a stolen car.

-I can't get a DWI, I had one last week

Another One for Our Collections

Just another picture to add to our collection of the weird places J falls sleep. Such a silly girl!

Down Hill

I am 20 weeks today so its officially all down hill from here (in every sense of the phrase). We have more time (as well as good days) behind than in front. Not only is time going down hill, but how I'm feeling as well. It feels like my belly has doubled in size this week (though I'm still only measuring 2 wks ahead: 22 wks now) and along with that comes squished guts. I've had heartburn the past few days along with a bit of acid reflux, I'm finding it harder and harder to take a deep breath and I feel like I'm starting to waddle when I walk. In other words, I feel like I should have a few weeks to go, not a few months. At the rate I'm going, I wouldn't be surprised if I can't move come September (nor will I want to). Since I've started to get so uncomfortable, and since we don't really know when these babies will arrive (we're hoping to make it to 36 wks) Erik and I have decided to try to get everything ready by 30 weeks (mid September). Fortunately, we both have great parents that have helped with the big ticket items (cribs, car seats, and stroller) so we really only need a few smaller items (bouncers, baby monitor, diaper bag, etc.) so it wont be too hard to get things here and there during the next 1o weeks. In other baby news, we had our 20 week appointment today. It was the usual, ask how I'm feeling, go over what the high risk Dr. said, and check the babies heart beats. Baby B had a heart rate of 145 and is now breech. Baby A was being difficult today and kept moving so it took the Dr. quite awhile to pick up his heart rate on the Doppler (don't worry, she always checks them by ultrasound first so we had already seen his heart beating). His heart rate was 141 and he's transverse, almost head down (kind of at an angle with his feet up by my ribs). I feel Baby B move frequently, not so much Baby A. I believe it's because the placenta is absorbing his movements, but as time goes on I'll be able to feel them both a lot more. Right now, I'm getting tired of getting kick in the bladder, but then again, I'm not sure if that's worse than getting kicked in the ribs (or in my case both :) ).

In other family news, J's had a few rough days lately. She hasn't been getting enough sleep and it has taken its toll. Part of the problem was that she's afraid of the dark and the night light in her room didn't produce enough light so we would have to leave the hall light on. That on the other had was too much light so she'd just sit and play for hours instead of going to bed. I think we've solved the problem though. We got a lamp for her room and picked up a red light bulb for it. It makes it light enough that she's not scared, but still dark enough for her to easily fall asleep. Now if there was a way to curtail the early morning wake ups. . .

As usual, Erik has been keeping busy. He recently finished painting the house (the only left to do is our bedroom, we just don't know what we're going to do in there yet), and is now onto hardwood floors. He has several vacation days coming up so we decided we'd take advantage of them and get the floors done, we actually picked up the wood today. The plan is to start the demolition of the of the existing floors next weekend. We should have new floors by the first part of August.

*Erik wanted me to put a side note in here of how he went to the store to get milk and ended up picking me up some all fruit Popsicles since food has been making me sick all day. Isn't he such a great guy :)

Crafts

At the beginning of the summer, I made J a craft basket. It has paints, bubbles, foamies,
play-doh, and other fun crafts in it. Things to keep her busy during the heat of the day. J and her Daddy like to go to Home Depot on the first Saturday of each month and do a building project together, and several of these projects are in the craft basket waiting to get a coat of paint. While Daddy was painting the walls in the hallway, J wanted to paint too. We pulled out a calendar that she and Daddy had made and let her go to town. This project kept her occupied for almost an hour. (somehow I didn't get any pictures of the finished product. I'll try to remember to add those later. )

Wow House

Not long after we bought our first house, I told Erik that I'd always wanted one of those houses that people walk into and say "WOW". A beautiful home that is nicely decorated, and looked, well perfect. I've always been big on perfectionism. I thrive on not just a tidy house, but an immaculate house (not that you could tell by looking at my house now). In college, my friends would joke about me having OCD because I was always making sure things looked perfect in my apartment (well, to the best of my ability since I had 2 roommates). I wanted that perfectness to reflect in my home. For the 19 months that we lived in that house we worked on making it a "WOW" house. We had our list of things that we wanted to do, I even have a file in our filling cabinet entitled "wow house". We weren't able to make that house a "wow house" before we sold it and moved (though apparently is was nice enough that it didn't take us very long to sell it). Now we're in our new house which we are in the process of making into a "wow house" We haven't made an actual written list or a file for this house, we've just been keeping a mental list of the things that we'd like to accomplish. My wonderful hubby has been busy knocking of items on that list, this week he finished painting the front entry/hallway and hanging up pictures.

Next on the agenda is putting hardwood floors in our dining room, living room and the hallway connecting them.

*yes, I realize that most of our picture frames are either empty or have the papers from the store still in them, but since we're still awaiting the arrival of the 2 newest members of our family I don't have pictures to put in them yet.

18 week appointment

At 18 weeks we had an appointment with our high risk Dr. It was for our monthly measurement ultrasound. Everything looked good and both babies were estimated to be about 8oz. and they were still boys. (we've had a lot of people express their doubts since we found out at 12.5 wks). Baby b was still transverse (sideways) and Baby a was breech and their heads were together. Other than that nothing new or exciting is going on in the Zugner household (which is a good thing).

(Baby A)

(Baby B)

Erik's keeping busy at work and painting the house while J and I are enjoying a lazy summer filled with swimming, movies and just hanging out. We're looking forward to spending lots of time with Daddy over the next couple of months, he has several vacation days he has to burn so we're headed to Corpus Christi in a few weeks and then we get a couple of long weekends in August.

We had an uneventful 4th of July since Erik had to work. We did have a few friends over during the week for dessert and fireworks. J got scared from the noise and hid inside for most of the evening, she finally came back out, sat on my lap and fell asleep. Saturday and Sunday night I tried to get J to bed early, before the neighbors started lighting their fireworks, but that didn't work too well since they started around 6:30 (way before it was dark enough to actually seen anything :( ). So, we had a couple of really late nights since the popping of the fireworks scared her. There was one point on Saturday night that I went up to check on J and she was hiding under her covers to try to get away from the noise. Thankfully, that's all over with, and hopefully she can get back to her normal sleeping routine soon!

Until next time. . .