Random Thoughts

It amazes me how often we (myself included) say something without thinking of how it may affect those around us. I'm sure that I've said things on this blog or in person that may have hurt or offended someone and for that I am sorry. Unfortunately (for me) this was all brought to my attention due to multiple comments that were made that deeply hurt. Most of the comments were not made to criticize or hurt, but yet they did. I know that I'm not the only one this has happened to. I've had a couple of dear friends express their hurt in posts on facebook, and all I can say is I feel your pain. We never know what someone else is going through so we should not judge, nor should we talk bad about people in front of others.

When I first found out I was pregnant with twins I went through a whole spectrum of emotions and eventually got a priesthood blessing from Erik. In this blessing I was told that this would be one of the hardest things I would ever do. At that time I thought it meant the pregnancy, but now I realize it meant the pregnancy, birth and taking care of my boys. The past year has been filled with tears and prayers as I have gone through what seems like trial after trial. It has brought me to a point where I haven't wanted to go on anymore, it has caused stress and tension in our little family. It has also brought joy, love and a need to lean on each other like never before. It's true past month has been pure joy as the boys are finally out of the colicky stage (thanks to figuring out their tummy issues) and are starting to sleep a little longer at night, but to be told "This is easy" hurt my very soul, it made me question myself as a mother as I remember all the sleepless nights with screaming babies because I didn't know what else to do. It made me want to give my boys regular formula to make them colicky again and then have this person watch them out of vengeance (but I wouldn't do that to my babies). It hurt that the past year of my life was compared to this short interaction and that all the "behind the scenes" stuff was brushed aside as it if were nothing. Granted, I wear my heart on my sleeve and my feelings are hurt very easily. But, to be honest, the only thing that keeps me going most the time is my LOVE for my little family and my knowledge that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me and are always there for me. It took me a long time to gain this knowledge, but ever since I got that confirmation, I can't deny it. Sadly, there have been times that this knowledge is the only thing that has kept me active in the church. I can't count the number of times, I've had my feelings hurt, or felt left out at church or by people from church, it's never intentional, but it hurts just the same (and these days I sometimes wonder why I even go because I spend 1/2 of church in the mother's lounge). Don't get me wrong, I don't have bad feelings towards these people or hold any grudges, I don't even remember the specifics about most of the incidences, just that they happened, and I don't want to forget that this happened, not so I can have a pity party, but so I can remember the hurt and strive harder to do better so that I'm not the cause of that hurt for someone else. If I have been the cause of hurt or heartache to you in the past I'm sorry, I never meant it and I would hate to think that I've made someone feel like I'm feeling right now. This life is tough enough we don't need to put each other down, so lets all try a little harder to speak positively about each other and try to lift each other up.