Visiting Teaching

I've never had much of a testimony of visiting teaching. I don't remember my mom ever having visiting teachers come over while growing up and I've never really had regular visiting teachers myself. I know that this doesn't excuse me from doing my own visiting teaching, but for many years it was my reasoning for not doing it. That all changed this year. Just after the first of the year our ward held a "visiting teaching conference" and new assignments were handed out. Being new in the ward, I didn't know my visiting teaching companion, and only recognized one name on the list of sisters that we were to visit. After the conference, my companion sought me out and introduced herself, for some reason, at that moment I confessed my lack of enthusiasm towards visiting teaching. To my surprise, she confessed similar feelings, so we decided right then and there that we would motivate each other to get it done, and we have. For various reasons, we haven't been able to visit every sister on our list every month, but we've at least tried and through that process I have come to love my visiting teaching companion and the sisters that we visit. I look forward to those monthly visits. Erik actually finds the name visiting teaching very fitting for what we do each month, we visit first for almost an hour each month, and then we teach for the last few minutes.

Not only have I been blessed with a wonderful companion and sisters to visit, I also have been blessed with wonderful visiting teachers. Unfortunately, due to lifes circumstances, one of my visiting teachers wasn't always able to make the appointments and has recently moved away, but I enjoyed her company when she could make it, and I'm looking forward to meeting my new visiting teacher (I'm SO glad that my other visiting teacher wasn't changed).

On Sunday I was reminded of how wonderful these women are and how much they have helped me. In Relief Society, we were talking about baptism and how one of our baptismal covenants was to "lift one anothers burdens". The question was asked as to how we can do that, and someone mentioned through visiting teaching. I truly believe this is the case. Even though we don't spend much time teaching the lessons assigned each month, I feel that it's in the visiting that we lift one anothers burdens. It is through those visits that we get to know one another a little better and realize that we are all daughters of our Heavenly Father, it is in those visits that we learn of one anothers burden's and that is when those loads are lifted. I know that each one of these wonderful sisters has helped to lighten my load, and to them I will always be grateful.

Just What I Need

Several events over the past week have led me to discover what was amiss in my life, why I was getting so discouraged and why this blog was so depressive. First, a friends comment on a previous post suggested I talk to a friend about my troubles to help lessen my burden. I got to thinking about this, and to be honest, I don't like talking to others about my problems. I know that sounds odd since I post them on here for the whole world to read about, but that's just it. When I write done how I'm feeling on here, for me, I'm just writing them down on the computer. Yes, I know that someone may read my posts, but when we write in any journal, aren't we doing it so someone at some point in time can read them and learn from our experiences? Writing my feelings is less personal than talking to someone so it's easier for me to do, but it accomplishes the same thing. It gets those feelings off my chest so that I can move on. In the process this blog sounds like I'm constantly depressed and feeling sorry for myself, but in reality these are just the low points of my day and once the words are written and the feelings expressed, I'm able to move on and focus on more positive aspects of life. In realizing this, I also came to realize that I need to express more often those positive moments because they do happen. It was one of these positive moments that lead me to discover just what I need right now to help me over this bump in the road, and that is the companionship of good friends. I have tons of people offering to help me with this task or that chore, but that's not what I need. I actually need to do those things myself so that I can feel productive during the day (no, "growing two babies" is not something that makes me feel productive). Last week I stopped by a friends house to drop something off and ended up spending several hours there talking with her. We did talk a little about the pregnancy, mainly because she too is pregnant and only a few weeks behind me in her pregnancy, but we mainly just talked about life in general. I felt so much better after I left her house, it was just the break that I needed. My life right now is so centered around this pregnancy and these babies that it was like a burst of fresh air to visit with a friend and not have to think about the pregnancy or any of the trials associated with it. I had the opportunity to take similar breaks from reality two other times this week. J suffered by having to stay up past her bedtime and hanging out with me and my friends, but she survived, and I thrived. I am grateful for friends who let me interrupt their lives for hours or even just minutes at a time just to visit, it truly is just what I need right now!

From the Mouth of Babes

Here's a few quotables from our princess (all from today)

- As we were leaving the house today I noticed that my mop was sitting on the front walk. I asked J what it was doing there, she calmly replied, "just hanging out."

- As we were on our way downtown, J kept asking question after question so I asked her if she was going to ask questions the entire time, she said, "yes" and kept going with her questions.

- On our way home this evening, E asked J if she could be quiet for just a few minutes and she told him, "No I need to talk" and picked her story back up right where she'd left off.

33 Weeks

At our 32 + week ultrasound, both boys were still head down (Yay!) and growing. Baby L weighed in at 4lbs 9oz and Baby R at 4lbs 6oz (sorry it's a bad picture, he's got his hand in front of his face). They're both practicing their breathing and moving ALL the time. Since things are getting tight in there, they don't kick or punch as much, but I can feel the twists and turns just as much. At my OB appointment today (exactly 33 wks) my belly measured 40.5 wks. Baby L's heart rate was 146 and Baby R's was 140. As of right now, my Dr's are in a disagreement about whether to induce or not (and when). The high risk Dr. thinks that since we have so many high risk factors we need a date soon after 36 wks, our regular OB however refuses to induce with twins. We're hoping that they get things figured out and soon.

This Is Me

This blog, like the rest of my life has been a bit negative lately. While I'm not the most positive or optimistic person in the world, I try not to be negative, but lately it seems like that's the only thing I feel. Yes, I know, my attitude and how I react to things going on around me is completely up to me, it's my choice. However, sometimes it's hard, very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the rainbow after the storm, the good in all the bad going on around you. I know, there's a very obvious blessing in the fact that we will soon be welcoming two little boys to our family, but to be honest, right now these boys are making my life miserable. I'm getting tired of having to go to the Dr. every week, sometimes twice a week, having to refill a prescription every other week. Tired of not being able to sleep, eat, or even sit comfortably. My emotions/ hormones are all over the place. One minute I'll be fine and the next I'm crying my eyes out saying that I can't do it anymore. I feel bad for E & J for having to put up with me, especially J since she doesn't know what's going on, just that some days Mommy turns into a monster. As if this wasn't enough, there are other trials in our lives right now to add to the chaos and stress. Now, I don't tell you this so that you'll feel sorry for me. I know that everyone has trials, and everyone handles them differently. I don't handle mine very well, ever. I know that the Lord wouldn't have given me these trials if He didn't think I could handle them, and I think I might have a little more faith in my own abilities if I got them one at a time, but that's not how He chose to do it. He sent me a triple whammy this time and there are days that I'm not sure I can do it. There are days where I want to just hide under my covers and hope that everything goes away. There are days like today when J takes the brunt of my frustration even though it has nothing to do with her. I know in the scriptures Christ tells us to take His yoke upon us and He will make our burdens light and that we should be patient in our tribulations, but I find these things to be hard. Maybe that's why I keep getting trials sent my way, so I can learn to hand over my sorrows and discomforts to Christ and let Him carry them, after all, isn't that why He suffered in the garden? I think the biggest problem is that I'm not exactly sure how to hand over all my anxiety, stress, and worry and let Him help carry my burdens. I know that sounds like I don't trust that He can do it, but I do. I know that Christ can do a better job than I can, and that He already has, but I tend to be a worrier and one of my biggest faults is that I worry extensively over things that I have no control over, but I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to just sit back and let things happen. In fact, I worry more about things that I have no control over than things that are mine to worry over. I hope that through all my trials I am learning how to hand more of my worries over to the Lord, taking a few steps closer to being the person He knows I can be, but as of right now it seems like I'm not just sliding, but rolling downhill, and fast. Maybe after many (MANY, MANY) more years I'll get it right, but for now, this is me and these are my struggles.

2 Sides to Everything

I've decided that pregnancy brings out the best and worst in people (and I'm not just talking about the person who is pregnant). I'll admit, the hormones, stress and discomfort of this pregnancy have gotten to me at times and I've been a monster. Fortunately, I have a wonderful husband who is very patient and understanding and puts up with my moods (then again, those moods might be why he's taken so many extra shifts lately). Throughout this pregnancy (and especially the past few weeks) I've come to realize that I have some of the most caring people in my life (and some of the most overbearing).

We'll start off with the good. I'm not going to name any names for fear of forgetting someone and causing hurt feelings, but I hope these dear friends will recognize how grateful I am for them. I have a dear friend who also happens to be my visiting teacher who has so graciously offered to come by for a couple of hours on Saturdays to help me clean my house, not because I can't do it, but because she knows how tiring it can be during your last weeks of pregnancy, and she's willing to do whatever I need done. Something that makes me very grateful for this friend is that she's not pushy or overbearing about her offers to help. When I told her I wouldn't need her to come over this week because my awesome hubby pitched in and helped me straighten things up she said that's great, just let me know if you want me to come next week. She seems to sense my need for Independence and makes sure I know that she's offering to help because she wants to, not because she thinks I NEED IT (that's a big issue for me, it really bothers me when others think I can't do something on my own and my independent [stubborn] streak will come out and do all I can to prove them wrong). Another dear friend calls me almost weekly just to let me know that she's thinking about me and to see how I'm doing. Though I usually don't answer her calls (she does tend to have bad timing and call when I'm busy - not that she knows my schedule or anything), but knowing that she called touches my heart and makes my day a little brighter. Something else that never ceases to amaze me is the unselfishness of the sisters I go to church with. This year we've had several pregnancies/births in our ward (I think there were 10 pregnant women at one point), most of these women, though further along with their pregnancies than myself, would forget their own aches, pains, and discomforts and sincerely inquire as to how I was doing, or if there were anything that they could do for me. One of them went so far as to let me know that she would love to watch J for me anytime that I needed her to. The pregnant women are not the only ones that amaze me, I have a list of wonderful friends who have asked if they can watch J for me, and several of them have. In addition to these nearby friends, I have others who don't live so close that frequently leave me uplifting comments/messages on this blog and on facebook showing me their love and support, for those too, I am appreciative.

Oh, how much easier life would be if everyone were as helpful and uplifting as these great friends. Unfortunately, there are those around me who aren't so positive in their efforts. Fortunately, there's only a couple of negative people that I have to deal with, and it's not some much that they're negative, they're just over bearing. They act like my family wont survive without them (but then they only help out when it's convenient for them - go figure). Don't get me wrong, I appreciate sincere offers to help, but I don't expect (nor do I want) anyone to put their own lives on hold so they can take over my job as mother to my children. If I couldn't take care of my kids, I wouldn't have had them. Yes, we weren't planning on going from 1 kid to 3, but the Lord was, he knew we could handle it so that's what he gave us. Yes, he knew that we'd have help from those around us, be he doesn't expect us to completely pawn J off to someone else. My mom is coming out in November and will be here for 3 wks. I am so excited about this, and I'm grateful that I'll have her help, but to be honest, she's not coming out just to help out. We both know that I don't NEED her help, she's coming out to visit, to spend time with my family, and to see these little guys as babies because next time we see her, they wont be so little anymore (and my dad has agreed to let her leave him alone for more than a few days so we're taking advantage of it). Once she's gone, I'm hoping to quickly get into a routine with me and my 3 kiddo's without much outside help. I may occasionally ask someone to watch J so I can take a nap, but I'm hoping for things to get back to "normal" as soon as possible.

I know this is a long jumbled up post, but I needed to get a few things off my chest, and especially to express my gratitude towards those who's small acts of service brighten my day. It really is through the small and simple things that we help lift each other up. The notes, phone calls and visits just to say hi or see how I'm doing are the things that touch me the most, so THANK YOU!!

Rules

As our family dynamics are changing, we are taking this opportunity to change a few of our household/family rules. Some of these rules apply to those around us a well, but we've implemented them for the health and safety of our family. The sad thing is that I've been accused of making these rule so that they keep others from being able to spend time with J (and in the future with our boys). Here's some of our rules, do you think I'm being unreasonable?

J's pediatrician is concerned about her weight since she's on the verge of being considered overweight. Personally, I think it's just because of her build, she's a very stocky child. No one looking at her would consider her fat, but that being said, we want to make sure she doesn't end up in the overweight category. We don't eat bad, but there's always room for improvement so here's some of our new rules in this category (and they apply to the whole family, not just J).

- NO fast food
- NO french fries
- NO soft drinks unless we go to a restaurant (we figure it can be a treat then)
- Only water to drink between meals (that means no juice, kool-aid, or soft drinks)
- Eat (at least one bite) of a vegetable or fruit at every meal (J's not a big fan of most vegi's so we're only making her try them right now)
- at least 60 min of active outside playtime a day (of course if it's raining we have her play as actively as possible inside; and this has to be in addition to gymnastics and preschool playtime)
- No "grazing" (eating other than at designated eating times which are as follows: Breakfast 7:30; Snack 10:00; Lunch 12:00; Snack 2:30; Dinner 5:00)
- Snacks need to be healthy; at least one of them needs to be fruits/vegis or a yogurt
- Treats/Desserts only occasionally after lunch (after dinner = too much sugar right before bed)

Now some rules we're implementing now so that we'll be ready for when the boys come (These are mainly for the first few months since the boys will be born in the middle of flu/RSV season and we want to keep them as healthy as possible)
- If you're sick, don't come over
- If you're around someone that's been sick, don't come over
- Wash your hands before holding the babies (we have a LARGE container of sanitizer sitting on our kitchen counter just for this)
- Don't touch the babies' faces or hands

And some general rules
- No alcohol on our property (sad but true, we've had problems with this one)
- No smoking on our property (or around our children at all for that matter, J came home the other day smelling of smoke, it was so bad that I made her strip down and take a bath the minute she walked in the door)
- No guns were the kids can reach them

I don't feel like I'm being a witch by asking others to follow these rules. I know that there are some of our close friends/family that are not members of our faith, and I'm not making these rules to try to make them live the same standards that we do. In all honesty, these rules have nothing to do with religion, they have to do with keeping my family, especially my children, safe and healthy. Am I being too harsh or unrealistic?