Have you ever been accused of being stuck up? I have, infact, I don't know how many times people have told me that they thought I was stuck up until they took the time to get to know me. I'm here to say that I'm not stuck up, and I don't mean to portray myself as such. I'm just shy, REALLY shy. I'm getting better as I get older, but I still get sick to my stomach if asked to talk in front of a group of people. I dread having to teach a lesson or heaven forbid talk in sacrament. I do okay in front of children, but lack the self-confidence to talk in front of my peers. I can hold a conversation with those around me, but can't bear to start up a conversation with someone I barely know for fear of rejection. Trust me, this is a huge improvement from where I use to be. When I was younger I was so shy I got nervous talking to any adult, including my own grandparents. I had a nervous habit of rapidly blinking my eyes, which was frequently pointed out to me by my peers (which in turn made me more nervous and self conscious). Consequently, I've always had a hard time making friends. No one wants to be friends with someone who's stuck up (or has a weird habit of rapidly blinking their eyes; thankfully I've outgrown that).
So please, if all I do is shyly smile and barely whisper hello as we're passing in the halls of church or I'm just a quiet listener to the conversation at enrichment don't think it's because I'm stuck up. Please know it took all the courage I could muster just to look at you as we passed in the hallway, or to even show up to enrichment. Please make the effort to get to know me, even though it seems as though I lack interest, and know that it's taking everything I have inside to keep the conversation going. Please know that I'm trying to break out of this shell, but it's a daily struggle, and probably one of life's biggest challenges. Please be patient and understanding, please make the effort to get to know me and be my friend, please. . .
. . . in the mean time, I had a good cry today.
4.19.2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Oh my goodness, you are not alone, and don't let other people make you feel bad!
ReplyDeleteI always laugh at myself for being a better blog friend than real friend. It is just so much easier to comment on a blog than try to start a real conversation. I feel horrible that I didn't make more of an effort while in Metairie to talk to you or Lexi or Becky...thankfully I kind of got a second chance with Lexi now that we live close again. Maybe we will again live close to one another...who knows?
Oh Amy! I can really relate to this. I was the girl in high school who usually had only one good friend because I was too shy to make new ones and I was often the object of ridicule when people thought I was too 'snobby', 'stuck up' or 'full of myself' because I didn't make eye contact or strike up conversations on a whim.
ReplyDeleteI too have gotten only marginally better as time has gone on, but it is still a major effort to come up with something to say since I am not a natural conversationalist AT ALL. It seriously makes my stomach do cartwheels to be in groups of people I don't know well. Troy is a natural easy going talker, so he is usually my life support when we go to ward functions or meet with friends of his at work.
Yesterday, I sat by myself for part of Relief Society until one of the presidency felt bad for me sitting by myself and sat down with me. What was weird was that everyone else was sitting on the other side of the room! I definitely get that sad achy feeling when I think that if people would just try to get to know me a little better and be patient with me, I'll eventually open up and be fine.
I know how it feels though- it still feels like getting picked last in gym class {which I frequently was because I didn't know how to play half of the games and everyone knew it!}
So don't feel like you're alone- I am right there with you!
And sometimes a good cry makes you feel so much better just to get it all out. I hope you're feeling better today.
I, like Aidan wish I could have a 'do-over' so I could reach out and be friends with you while we were closer. Thank goodness for blogs because even though we might not be great talkers, we can be great writers and express all of those feelings and thoughts we might otherwise not.
I'll be your friend, Amy! Well actually, I'll be more...I'll be your sister! I am actually EXACTLY like this. I'm so shy I can't talk to anyone, and most people think I'm stuck up, but I've learned to be ok with that. I'm so excited to be in your family soon! I hope your day gets better!
ReplyDeleteOh, Amy! This makes my heart ache. And even though I can't relate to being shy exactly, I can relate to being misjudged and it HURTS so bad. There is nothing that hurts my heart more than to know that someone hasn't given me a chance and someone hasn't taken the time to get to know me. I am like Aidan and Lexi also, thankful for blogs that give us a chance to all get to know each other a little bit better. Hope you're feeling a little better today! I can relate to having a really good cry, though--sometimes that's the only way to deal. Hugs!
ReplyDelete